Handsome prince

I have done it!

We are going to have a holiday.

I sloped off upstairs to the computer with Mark’s credit card this morning and I have booked our passage to France for a whole week during the October half term.

I am unbelievably excited and pleased with the world.

I told Mark about it and he rolled his eyes but he is pleased too really.

I thought at first that we might go on the train and stay in hotels but that is really very expensive, so we are going to get a ferry across the channel with the camper van and travel to Paris or wherever else we like from there.

This is a brilliant way of doing a holiday if we can find anywhere to park it, because taking the camper van is a bit like having Hermione’s magical bag in Harry Potter, with absolutely everything in it that we could possibly want, like nice soap and books that I want to read and Oliver’s Playstation.

If we get fed up of travelling we can just stop and go to sleep. This is especially easy in France where they like camper vans, and expect you to have a glass of wine with your lunch even if you are driving one. This was difficult to not do when we got back to the UK.

Also it makes it much easier not ever to have to finish up in cafes where they make you eat awful French things like andouillette which seems to be poo in a sausage. We can bring our own sausages from Asda which are either not made out of poo or it is a special sort of poo that English people don’t mind.

Thus you can travel very comfortably without any of the worrying problems of being abroad, but also you can solve a lot of your Christmas problems as well by being able to carry stacks of French wine back with you, which is cheap and wonderful and comes in five litre boxes and is still nice.

I want to see the Louvre and Lucy wants to see the Parisian shops and Oliver wants to see Mickey Mouse and Mark wants to see if his hydrogen engine will work, so we are all happy, especially me.

We are going to have a holiday.

I told Mark that it would be all right and that without telling anybody I had saved up three hundred pounds for it and he laughed because he said that it will cost us more than that just in fuel, before we even get started on all the splendidly extravagant things that I like to do when I go on holiday.

After that he rang the man at the kebab shop and told him that he was sorry that he said that his delivery van was a heap of useless junk that should be sent to the scrapyard and he had changed his mind and would mend it for him after all.

This was a nice thing, because he will earn some money doing this, and  I know that he loves us all and would secretly like a holiday himself really.

He is in the alley at the back of our house now, where he is taking the kebab van to pieces and swearing: and so I thought I would do my bit as well, and made myself a flask of tea and came out to sit on the taxi rank. I can do this because Mark is at home and so he can look after Ritalin Boy whilst he is messing about with the van, because Lucy is out at work.

He phoned me up a few minutes ago to tell me that he had tried to give him a pot noodle for his dinner because he was busy mending the kebab van, and Ritalin Boy shrieked and said that it had got snot in it, and shut his eyes so that he didn’t even have to look at it, never mind eat it.

We are trying not to give him so much fruit because he has had one or two liquid accidents in the last few days which may be due to having eaten mostly strawberries and grapes and cucumbers, and not enough proper solid food, so he had sausages and Wotsits for breakfast, which he liked and which we hoped might have a corking effect.

It is lovely here. The sun is shining and we are going to have a holiday. It is quite some time away yet, but that is all right, because it would be too worrying to go away now when we can make money here, it is better to wait. I have been sitting on the taxi rank looking up things to do in Paris, and I phoned Disneyland to see how much tickets would cost, and the nice American lady on the phone said: “How many of you will be coming? Is your handsome prince coming with you?” which I thought was lovely, because even though he is swearing and covered in oil he is definitely a handsome prince.

I have felt warm and happy thinking about it ever since.

We are going to have a holiday.