Today I made soap.
This has needed doing for some time. We have got two bars left and once you have made soap it needs to sit by itself and recover for a while before it is any use, a bit like me after a trip to Blackpool Pleasure Beach or a visit from the children.
It was not an unqualified success.
Actually I did not pay enough attention, as a result of which it did not progress exactly according to plan.
Everything started off all right, the measuring and the weighing and the adding of the dangerous ingredients. These last are the ones that burn your fingers and send hot little splashes all over your arms if you get it wrong.
It was all nicely simmering on the stove when I realised that the Weather Gods had been watching. It was raining, and I went belting outside to haul the washing off the line.
I piled it in a soggy heap on the table, and then optimistically draped it all over the house in the hope that it might dry before tomorrow. We have lit the fire, because of the now soot-free chimney, and drying washing is a brighter prospect than it has been.
Obviously I forgot about the soap.
This did not matter very much, because so far nothing had gone wrong, so I just left it to cool before adding the caustic bits.
I did not leave it to cool for anywhere near long enough.
I stood the dish in a washing-up bowl filled with cold water and stirred.
It erupted everywhere.
It was like a little volcano.
Soap exploded everywhere, burbling over the edges of the dish and into the water and all over the top of the cooker in an oily, caustic mess.
This was not my finest hour.
I recovered as much as I could by scooping it all up and shoving it back in the bowl, where I mixed it again. I think there might be a few grains of rice and other general detritus in with it which were accidentally collected from the top of the cooker, but I am sure it will be fine. You get all sorts of unexpected bits of dinners in soap if you buy it from the Body Shop, some toast crumbs and bits of cheese gratings are probably right On Trend.
This process robbed me of my finger prints and made a mess all over my T-shirt.
Cleaning up took ages. It is harder to clean up soap than you might think. Not a splash can be left on your work surfaces or cooker anywhere, because if there is, it will find its way into sandwiches and toast and cups of tea and biscuits and picnics.
Nobody wants a spoonful of soapy mayonnaise on their dinner.
This meant that I had to wipe the surface, and then wash the cloth thoroughly before wiping it again. Then I washed the bowl and the scales and the pan and the mixing things, and then when I had got the soap off, I washed everything again.
In the end I did a final wash and wipe with a clean cloth and a clean towel, and chucked the others into the washing machine, where they can help flavour tomorrow’s laundry.
I do not know if the soap will be all right. It seemed to be setting when I put it in the cupboard.
I expect it will be fine.
The picture was sent by Number Two Daughter, who is in Canada where they are currently allowed to have friends and families and all sorts of things that we are not, but regrettably a warning has been issued to everybody to stop breathing outdoors. They are having wildfires, not in Canada, but over the border in America, and the smoke has illegally migrated to make the Canadians cough.
The picture shows the smoke in the distance.
What interesting times we are seeing.
