We have had a happy visitation today.
Happiest of all was Roger Poopy, because the visitors were the Peppers, popping back to the Lake District for a very brief visit on their way back to see friends in Manchester.
They arrived this morning, and his joy knew no bounds. Actually, it led to a lot of bounds, and he leapt up and down with such reckless excitement that he bashed his head into one of the Peppers’ noses. I hope it doesn’t scar.
We went for a walk around the park, and Roger Poopy tore around after Pepper with the utmost happiness a little dog can experience without actually bursting, barking and attempting to wrestle her to the ground by means of attaching himself to her ears. He has got to jump to do this because she is so much taller than he is.
Afterwards we had a civilised cup of tea whilst the dogs slept it off, and they told me stories of their adventures. They have bought a house in Scotland and are renovating it. They had lots of pictures, and it looks so splendid that I quite liked the idea of moving to Scotland myself, mostly because the weather is so much better.
This is not especially a recommendation. The weather is better absolutely everywhere than it is in the Lake District. In Dundee, which is where the Peppers are now, it is cold but very sunny.
Obviously we will not move to Scotland because we would have to be unemployed. Driving taxis is not a very portable career. I might think about it if I won the lottery, which so far I haven’t, because of never having bought a ticket, but I live in hope that some kindly acquaintance will win it and share.
In any case, Scotland is fast turning into something much like Communist Russia. It appears to have developed an unseemly eagerness for new rules with which to curtail the freedom of its population. Not only have they shown every possible enthusiasm for as many bat-flu related regulations as they can dream up, they have recently passed a law which decrees that all houses, new and old, must have both a smoke detector and fire alarm which have got to be linked together.
We do not have either. We did once have a smoke detector, but it went off at neighbour-rousing volume every night at around four in the morning when we were getting out of the shower. Having said that it stayed resolutely silent when we did actually set the house on fire, which was just as well because we were having quite enough trouble putting the fire out, without rushing about trying to find a broom handle with which to poke the stupid thing to make it shut up.
In the end we took it out, so if we burn to death it will be our own fault, and how we will wish we had listened to the Scottish Government.
I will take the risk.
However, not all new rules are rubbish ones.
I am very happy to announce that today our beloved leaders are actually considering making it illegal to boil lobsters alive. Not only that, but they are going to outlaw lots of other horrible barbaric things that we do to crabs and prawns and octopuses, some of which are simply to awful for me to describe. These are not pages written to bring about paroxysms of rage with one’s morning coffee.
It is the first time for ages that I have read a piece of news that has truly cheered and encouraged me. Indeed, it makes my occasional donations to a worthy campaigning organisation called Crustacean Compassion seem entirely worthwhile.
It is a wonderful, magnificent step forward, and it cannot happen soon enough.
I was horrified to read, in the Comments section of the august Daily Telegraph, that quite a few readers do not agree. I cannot think of a single argument in favour of doing something so monumentally wicked to another creature. I am not generally at all in favour of having any more rules, I think this country has already got more than enough, but this one is different.
I expect Mrs. Boris will make sure that it happens. It is the first time I have felt pleased that we have got her as well.
Our country is making progress.
I am feeling truly proud of us today.
