Saturday night and you won’t be in the least surprised to hear that I am on the taxi rank.
So far we are having a quiet night, mostly distinguished by the depressing quantity of heavy rain, making my windows steamed up and all the seats wet.
We are, as usual, hoping for a busy night on account of the school fees and the mortgage, which would be handy.
Last night turned out to be very quiet indeed, apart from an encounter in which I was so spectacularly rude to some customers I surprised even myself.
It was about two in the morning, and three very intoxicated ladies staggered into the taxi. They were pudgy and unhealthy looking and greasy, and announced that they wished to be taken to one of the caravan sites, via the kebab shop, which didn’t especially take me by surprise.
As we set off they explained that on our arrival they wanted me to drive them across the caravan site and right back to their caravan.
I explained, courteously enough, that I couldn’t do that as the site had asked that taxis refrain from going past the entrance after dark.
They said that I had got to do as they said, and they would go where they liked. This made me laugh, but then one of them started getting very cross and said threateningly that I needed to understand where the boundaries should be drawn and that she wished to draw them.
I am entirely comfortable about my boundaries, and quite happy to clarify them to anybody.
I turned the engine off, and explained them, clearly and very simply, as appropriate for their intoxicated condition. My boundary, I said, was the entrance to the campsite. This was where I stopped regardless of how aggrieved they might feel about it. The campsite in question has gone to the expense of putting a large gate up and asked us to stay on this side of it, which is just fine with me, especially in the rain.
The ladies were very upset about this. They also felt that I should not have been quite so clear and straightforward with my explanation. They believed, correctly, this illustrated that I felt a lack of respect for their wishes and personal integrity.
Then, to my fascinated mystification, they added that they thought I was being judgemental about them. They told me, with an undertone of menace, that I shouldn’t make judgements, because I had no idea how important they were.
I was intrigued that they might imagine that I would care about their importance or otherwise, but helpfully agreed that they were quite correct, and I was being judgemental.
In fact, I clarified, the judgement that I had made was that they were all completely stupid.
This upset them a little and they made remarks which indicated their disbelief that I had said such a thing, so I said it again to make sure they had understood.
They said that I was a wicked psychopath and that they would get out.
I agreed that this was fine with me and sat back and waited.
They were unable to find the door handles and started shouting and screaming that I was abducting them.
I waited until they calmed down and pointed out that far from wishing to kidnap them in any way, I had had more than enough of their company and would be grateful if they would buzz off. However I felt that their inability to get out rather proved my earlier observation, which was that they were stupid.
They repeated the point that I had no idea how important they were and told me pointedly that I should know that they were teachers at a large secondary school.
Comng soon, to a school near you, folks.
I showed them where the door handles were, and they released themselves, and rushed to the taxi behind me. They shrieked and bawled about the horrible psychotic woman in the first taxi who should be locked up and arrested.
The taxi driver they were addressing happened to be Mark, who listened with interest. He explained, to their grave discomfort, that I was his wife, and that he disagreed with their observations and therefore would not be taking them in his taxi either.
In the end they got in Darren’s taxi, in a rather more subdued frame of mind.
Customer relations have never been my strong point.
The picture is the lovely hyacinths coming out in the garden. I wish you could see their scent.
