Elspeth has got me into an intoxicated state.
I was planning a sensible evening at home answering emails and investigating paperwork until she rang up and said that she was on her way round with a bottle.
Mark was at his maths class.
Obviously I was shocked and didn’t quite know what best I should do.
It is Elspeth’s fault. I hadn’t had the least intention of getting drunk.
The bottle was of something sweet and fizzy. Elspeth brought it so that she could drink it and then drive home.
It was jolly nice. We drank it really quickly and then started on the red wine.
It is almost midnight and up until now I haven’t written a word.
I have said lots of words, though. Elspeth was here by seven o’ clock and we talked our heads off in between the drinking. We have been friends for a long time, and so even when we don’t have anything new to say to each other we can fill in with laughing at dreadful memories.
In the end Mark came home, and the lodger came home. The lodger had brought some Chinese salt and pepper chips and some special fried rice, so we shared it all and drank a bit more. Then we drank a bit more. Then Elspeth and I went to the Co-op and bought some chocolate pudding. We compensated for the domestic inadequacy of such a purchase by eating it with home-made ice cream. Then we drank a bit more.
I am going to be very unwell in the morning.
I have had the loveliest evening. Elspeth and I sat and talked and talked and then giggled a lot after we had drunk more.
In the end Elspeth stopped drinking wine and started drinking tea.
I wish I had thought of that.
There thing is that it has been such an unspeakably awful day that getting drunk seemed like a lovely idea.
This morning I opened the bag of things I had brought back from the farm only to discover that a bottle of fabric conditioner had leaked all over everything. I sorted it out and chucked all the sticky things into the washing machine, at which point the washing machine broke and all the electricity went off.
Mark came in and said it was a combination of the heating element and a bearing. He switched the electricity back on and removed the Safety Feature from the washing machine so that it would still work as long as we filled it up with the kettle. Then he rang Indesit and ordered some new parts.
That cost a hundred and thirty quid.
After that we went to the farm. Mark had got to drag the donor taxi outside so that it would be ready for the scrap man, who is coming in the morning.
This would have been easier if it hadn’t donated its wheels. It is amazing how difficult it is to move a car when some of its wheels are absent.
Mark dragged it round with the digger.
We had another huge bonfire and filled the donor taxi up with more scrap metals.
Look, I know you are interested in my day, but actually I am squinting at this through eyes that both seem to want to focus on the end of my nose. I would take it as a kindness if I could be excused a bit early so that I could hunt out a glass of water and go and pass out with a clear conscience.
Mark and the lodger are downstairs washing up, a pastime which they are enlivening with humorous remarks about the person upstairs dribbling on the keyboard.
I am going to go and behave with some dignified authority whilst I still can.
