It is half past nine at night, and I have just dropped my little girl off at work.
It is her very first night being a doorman on a nightclub.
I can’t say ‘doorperson’. It sounds rubbish. She is a lady doorman. When it is your job you say that you are working ‘on the doors’.
She is dressed in black, with thermal underwear underneath, because it is bitterly December cold. She is wearing a thick down jacket and comfortable trainers, because of not yet having purchased steel toecapped boots.
It is a very busy night indeed. The village is full of intoxicated young men in Christmas jumpers and intoxicated young ladies in their underwear with reindeer horns jiggling about merrily in their heads. I left Lucy in the capable hands of one of the best bouncers in the village, a scary looking chap called Raj. He is called this because he is an Indian, and ethnic minorities are not yet the norm here. The other one is called Black Pete.
Anyway, actually I was relieved when I realised it was Raj who was going to be responsible for her, because he is brilliant, and can calm down idiots just by the soothing tones of his voice. I don’t know how they do it, I would be punching people all the time if I had their job.
I have been trying to see her every time I have driven past, and every now and again have caught a glimpse, there is a massive eight-foot giant standing next to the Christmas tree, with a tiny ginger fairy in a black coat next to him.
It is going to be very good for Lucy, because despite having advanced learning in beating people up, she has never actually come face to face with a drunken nitwit who wishes to beat her up, and it is going to be a sharp learning curve. I shall know how she has gone on before this goes to press, probably, so if you skip to the last paragraph now you can find out in advance.
For those of you who have not skipped to the last paragraph, or who have come back to where you left this, I have had a busy day. We didn’t get to bed until past five this morning, but despite that I was wide awake and flapping by nine o’ clock.
The reason for the flapping has been the packing, and the last minute manufacture of Christmas presents. I am not going to tell you what I have been doing, because it would spoil the surprise if anybody reads this who might get a Christmas present from us, not that it will be very surprising, but it is the thought that counts. Suffice to say that I am finally reaching the end of it, it has taken ages.
It has kept me very busy, and Mark and even Lucy have been helping again, all day. Oliver has not been helping, because Son of Oligarch was still here, and this afternoon another school friend joined them. I don’t know what they were all doing, but it was noisy.
Both of Oliver’s school friends have gone now, and Harry has stepped in to fill the obvious void in his social life. I have not bothered changing the sheets on the bed-on-the-floor. It might not be exactly all right to say it, but I confess that in my head, one small smelly oik is pretty much like another, and not likely to mind the evidence of a predecessor. A bit like the dogs, who seem to like the familiar smell of other dogs about them.
I am going to have to oblige Oliver to shower before he goes to Manchester. He is the worst of the lot.
LATER NOTE:
Lucy is back.
She has had a wonderful time. Her career is now laid out in stone in front of her. She is going to be a bouncer.
Apart from the cold, because it is about minus four here tonight, she loved it. The other bouncers were kind and friendly and a bit nonplussed at her public school background, one of them wondered if they did jousting there. Lucy told him that that was boys’ schools. They all turned out to know Number Two Daughter, and they gave her hot chocolate and put her in charge of the little clicker by which you count people in and out, which she felt was a grave responsibility
She did not have a fight with anybody, although she came close at one point when a drunk gentleman would not leave her alone, but to her great disappointment he gave up and wandered off before she could justify punching him.
They are not allowed to have teenage bouncers on the doors after midnight, so they sent her home then. She positively skipped across the road to the taxi, and beamed and giggled all the way home. She thinks she has found her niche.
How pleased I am.
