I am becoming a New Person.
I have decided that since my entire life has been turned upside down I am going to make some drastic changes and become the person that I am in my Inner Soul.
The person in my Inner Soul is a lot thinner than I am, so when I got up this morning I thought that once Mark had gone to work I would go on a diet and lose some weight.
This was brilliant. I don’t usually eat during the day, but there was some salad left over from a picnic, so I had raw carrots and sliced peppers for breakfast, and then melon later on for lunch.
In between I cooked a huge tray of sausages, and a tin of cherry shortbread biscuits for Mark. He is outside all day, working in the cold, and needs massive amounts of food just to be able to keep standing upright.
I was really self-controlled about this and did not even lick the spoon after the biscuits, because of it being everything that fat people are not allowed to eat, like butter and sugar and maple syrup. There was a left over bit of cherry, and I did eat that, but that was all right because of being fruit really.
After that I rang the BeautifulMe Holistic Wellness LoveMyself Health Spa. I cancelled my membership here earlier on in the year when we ran out of money and could not afford to loaf about being self indulgent in saunas. I used to swim three quarters of a mile every night and then have a sauna and a cold shower, which is jolly good for you when you are otherwise going to occupy your life sitting around eating chocolate behind the wheel of a taxi.
I have missed it terribly. Well, I have missed the lovely clean warm feeling that you get after a bout of almost-vigorous exercise. I haven’t especially missed the exercise, if I am honest, actually I don’t really like that bit much. However I do like not having a roll of portliness squishing out over the top of my jeans, and I do like not getting out of puff every time I walk upstairs.
Mark said that I should renew my membership and not worry, because we would pay for it somehow, even if he had got to drive taxis every night after he had finished work. This was jolly kind of him, and in any case if he is going to become a successful entrepreneur and rural broadband dot com millionaire he is going to need a trophy wife and I don’t really qualify at the moment. I know several trophy wives from school, and they are all blonde and pretty and thin. Almost none of them have got flab wallowing about around their middle as if they were wearing a large fitted doughnut underneath their T-shirts.
I rang the Spa, and the new manager said that she would have a think about it and see if she could manage to find a slot, and then later she sent me an email reminding me that they do charge and that she would need my bank details if I were to be allowed past the door again.
I am still working myself up to that one.
The difficulty with a project like a diet is that it is not immediately rewarding, and by teatime I had lost hardly any weight at all.
Mark came home.
He didn’t notice that I had been on a diet all day, and said for goodness sake just pay the health club and do it, because I had been so sad when we couldn’t afford it any more.
Then he said we should do something lovely to celebrate our lives changing, and we should have a night of reckless abandon which we could worry about later.
We went to the Magic Wok for dinner.
We had prawns and sweet and sour and cashew nuts and an enormous glass of wine and the man asked about the children and the dogs, and said that we shouldn’t worry about not being at work because we were practically the only customers that they had had all night.
I think I have put all the weight back on that I lost when I ate the raw carrots.
I am not going to worry about any of it.
Have a picture of the Lake District.
