Alas I have accidentally had the glass of wine first.
I have not actually eaten anything since breakfast, so I drank it quickly, because I was hungry, and now I am feeling distinctly fuzzy and cannot think of a single thing to write.
Whilst I drank it I helped Oliver with his homework. This is entirely in the spirit of home schooling, from what I can see on Social Media. It seems that Scotland is considering reopening schools. I have got everything crossed that they carry on with this plan. Oliver likes being at home, but has made it quite plain that he would far rather be at school. The summer term is the splendid one, he explained, with water slides and barbecues and other seasonal adventures. It seems that they even do these things in Scotland, marking the changing of the seasons by the removal of the top couple of layers of brown paper and goose fat.
My grandfather once told me that this mother used to sew him and his brothers into underwear made of brown paper and goose fat for the winter. This is a splendid illustration of changing fashions in parenting. I can hardly imagine what Social Services would have to say had I attempted to do this with my own offspring, although I imagine it might have been somewhat less noticeable in a world without central heating.
I do not like to think how they all might have smelled by April.
His mother also made their own chocolate, actual chocolate from home-ground cocoa beans and cocoa butter, when they came in at Salford docks, not just blends of other people’s chocolate and ordinary butter the way I do. He told me, regretfully, that I would never taste anything as splendid, and I suppose he was right. I wish I had been grown up enough to press him for details about how she did it.
Note to my own children. You will probably regret not having listened to the wisdom of the elderly. One day your grandchildren will be curious about the things that I did. The secrets will die with me unless you want to know them, or unless you look it up on Google, I suppose.
The picture illustrates my afternoon’s project, which has been related to the building of Mark’s new shed. It is the same shed, with a new roof and some additional shelves, but it feels very different, and this afternoon I offered to help by nailing the roofing felt on the end. This was not entirely altruistic. If he hurries up and finishes it he can get on with building my kitchen.
He accepted the offer, although interfered helpfully the whole time. We had to stop there because of running out of nails, it is very tiresome to be in a locked-down world, because the ironmonger has taken the opportunity to loaf about as much as everybody else, and now is closed until Monday.
You will note the stunning blue skies. This is magnificent, and I can hardly believe that we are living in a world with balmy warm weather and a compulsory endless holiday. I applied for a job today, just in case the Government means it about not reopening pubs until Christmas, but I am not holding out much hope. It is to become a shelf-stacker in the Co-op.
On the plus side, this is next door.
On the negative side, there was a questionnaire about the way you might behave in certain retail situations, and I don’t suppose I did very well.
You might recall that I applied for a job with the Co-op once before, and it did not end well. That was the Funeral Care Department. Perhaps you remember. Certainly I do. That was the chap who asked how I would manage to deal with a solicitor who was on a different intellectual level to me, and I said that I would just be patient and explain carefully. He almost sacked me at the interview.
We all know perfectly well that I am entirely unemployable, but the world is a changing place and we have still got to find the school fees.
I will have to try and be desirable in a retail situation.
I don’t suppose anything will come of it, but you never know…
