We are clawing our way back into life.
Mark did not go to work.
We got up early enough to feed Oliver before morning school, and then crept back to bed with coffee, where we sat, silently, looking out of the window at the rain, for ages.
As the lodger used to say, we are trauma’d.
We would never have imagined that a few hours spent arguing with people wearing ridiculous wigs would have been so exhausting, and marvelled, quietly, at our small collapse.
I have not been so tired since I was trying to pass a bleep test and used to visit the gym every evening to row four miles and cycle ten kilometres on the spot before going to work.
We felt bruised and curiously empty, as if we had poured everything out of our souls. Our inner selves had become quiet, and drained, and still, a bit like the way you feel the day after Christmas when you think about your credit card.
Fortunately the Peppers kindly volunteered to empty the dogs for us, because I do not think we would have made it to the park and back again.
After a little while we thought that it might be a good idea to put something into the unexpected void, and remembered, with the first twitch of new life, that the spring was coming, and that life and loveliness had not disappeared from the world, merely slept under the sodden earth.
We were pleased with this recollection, and celebrated by taking our cups of tea into the conservatory to contemplate the new Opulent Design project.
We thought that we needed to put more thought into its heating system in order to achieve a feeling of true opulence. We cannot feel properly luxurious if we are shivering like the dogs after a haircut too early in the spring, and so Mark suggested that he have a go at building a nuclear reactor in an old beer barrel that he has been saving for the purpose in the back yard
Obviously I did not discourage this, because it would be a handy sort of thing to have, but I do not think that you need to hold your collective breath whilst you wait for it, and fortunately we have got the electric heaters which will fill the void whilst he tiddles about in his shed. He explained to me how you do it, and I nodded wisely, but really I have not got the first clue what he was talking about.
It seems to be a similar sort of construction to the hydrogen exploder that he built to make the camper van engine work more efficiently. That worked fairly well for a while, and he has saved some of the remaining bits which might come in useful.
We are going to build a couple of new tomato beds in there as well. I was far more interested in these, and so we moved all of the sawn-up floorboards out of the way so that tomorrow we can make a start on the construction. We need to get on with this, because I would like to plant the tomatoes around the first week in March.
We left a space in the middle for the nuclear reactor.
Number One Daughter called in the middle of the day, to tell us that she had set off on the long journey back to Surrey, which we thought was very brave. I would also like to add here that she has cleared my conscience about accidentally fibbing in court. It turns out that the reason I did not remember painting the pictures on the wall was that she painted them. I am very pleased about this, since it means that I am not mental at all, at least not more than might normally be expected. Also I did not tell fibs in court and I can look the dear Queen in the eye with a clear conscience once again.
Lucy had to go as well, because she is back at work on Monday, and wanted to go home and bake biscuits and cook dinners to take with her. She is being a Community Police Officer next week, which mostly involves listening to people complaining about dog poo and their neighbours’ parking.
We are three again.
Oliver announced himself to be exhausted by a busy week at school, and retreated to his bedroom to bounce about in front of his computer shooting things.
We are very glad that tomorrow is his day off. We do not think that we will manage work tomorrow either. We are going to start building the flower beds, slowly, with lots of cups of tea.
The picture shows pretty much the sum total of my day’s efforts. I have wound some fairy lights around the stephanotis to make it look more opulent.
I am sure you are very impressed.
LATER NOTE: I came downstairs upon completion of these words to discover Mark and Oliver deep in contemplation of a YouTube video entitled How To Build Your Own Nuclear Reactor.
I insisted that we watched a Netflix programme about a chess player instead, but it looks as though the cognitive wheels have already begun to turn.
Watch this space.
