It is a very good, if costly, day to be in our family.
It has been a day for very much celebration. I am pleased to announce that Oliver has passed his driving test. This was his first try, and it was a Trauma, and so we are very pleased and proud.
It was a Trauma because of the dashboard light.
Oliver’s car has had an occasional problem whereby a sudden light flashes red on the dashboard and the car instantly stops and goes into Limp Home Mode. It refuses to accelerate and chugs slowly and miserably back to wherever it started off. Go directly to Fail. Do not pass Go and do not collect two hundred pounds. Get your wallet out, though, because this is going to be expensive.
The cause for this is some faulty brake sensor. The replacement has been ordered, but due to Christmas celebratory holidays, has not yet arrived. It is a nuisance to fit, but that was hardly important because it wasn’t here in time anyway. In the meantime Mark and Oliver have been repairing it by plugging in the diagnostic tool and wiping the fault off, which has rejuvenated it to fight another day.
Nevertheless, your car breaking down in a flurry of red lights during the driving test is not a good look, and generally leads both to a Fail ticket, and a telling-off from the examiner.
We considered this thoughtfully. After some discussion we decided that it was sufficiently infrequent for it to be worth gambling on it not happening during the test, and so we would risk it. This seemed reasonable, since the only alternative was cancelling the test, which would be a Fail in any case.
They fixed everything else. Mark replaced the rear windscreen wiper, and then replaced it again because they discovered in his panic he had put it on upside down and it frantically wiped the lid of the boot.
Hence I was not exactly overwhelmed with optimism when they chugged off this morning, some time in the middle of the night, in the direction of Kendal, where the plan was to hoover the whole thing out with the industrial hoover in Morrisons, because it had leaked in and everything was soaked.
Morrisons hoover, I discovered later, was not working. The poor examiner had to sit in it as it was.
Mark called me once the test had started, to reassure me that they had made it out of the car park, and we waited.
I learned later that they had got about as far as the sports centre, about quarter of a mile down the road, when the light came on and the car stopped.
The examiner made him pull into the car park and said that he would have to terminate the test.
But I can fix it, said Oliver, desperately. Please don’t do that.
He dragged out the diagnostic tool and connected it up, flipping the switches and twiddling the dials until the faults had disappeared, and turned back to the examiner hopefully.
The examiner rolled his eyes.
All right, he said.
They proceeded along the route, and all was well until they got to the Show Me Tell Me bit, and he wanted to know how one might wash the rear windscreen.
Obviously he was going to want to know that, there were dozens of things he could have asked but it was going to be that one, because the Gods had lined up for some amusement at Oliver’s expense.
Sighing deeply, Oliver demonstrated the rear windscreen wiper and the spray. The wiper worked all right.
The spray squirted directly backwards, washing the car behind.
The examiner looked at Oliver.
It’s an anti-cyclist device, Oliver explained, hopefully. It’s to stop them getting too close.
They got back to the test centre and the examiner shook his head.
You have passed, he said, and I think I might have a word with your father about the state of this car. Congratulations.
He wagged his finger sternly at Mark, but neither of them cared by then.
He might be stuck with a clapped out car for some time. We have just paid for his insurance for the next year.
It has cost more than a family Christmas in the Midland, including dinners out, tickets to the pantomime and some reckless spending on the Christmas markets. Even including the car parking and everybody’s Christmas present.
Still he has passed. He is mobile and free.
Hurrah.
It is a very good day.
