”Twas the Night Before Scotland

We have blown all of last night’s takings on an MOT for Mark’s taxi.

This sounds dreadful but actually it is a blissful relief. Not only has it had its MOT, it has, to our complete astonishment, passed.

We took it in this morning to the garage in Kendal to get a fail sheet for it, because of knowing that it is a little tired. It has done two hundred and sixty thousand miles and been a taxi for most of those.

This is a brilliant sort of car to have as a taxi, because we are not in the least upset when it gets scraped and bashed and people kick the doors and snap the handles off and leave beefburgers with tomato sauce stuffed under the back seat. Of course we are upset, but only in a small way where we tell them what we think of them and chuck them out, not in a real sort of way where you wake up miserably in the night and worry about how on earth you might afford to fix it. Also it doesn’t matter when Mark fills the back with muddy dogs and firewood and bags of well-rotted manure for the garden.

We dumped the car in the garage and buzzed off to Asda to spend the rest of our takings.

It had not been a very busy night at all, and so this meant we were on an extremely limited budget. I made a shopping list which we determined not to exceed, and went round with a pen and scrap of paper, adding everything up as chucked it in the trolley, and carefully crossing things off the list.

We managed to stay inside our budget with about fifteen pence to spare, which was ace because it meant we didn’t have to raid our taxi cash boxes. We do this in desperate moments but it is rubbish because it means that if somebody gets in the taxi and wants to pay with a ten pound note then we don’t have any change. I always pretend that every previous customer has paid with a twenty pound note, and don’t ever confess that I haven’t got any change because I have spent it.

It was thrilling to fill the trolley with useful things like sausages and apple juice. The children come home this weekend, and we had completely run out of junk food. Actually we had run out of just about all food, because it is January. We have not lost any weight because of this as everybody kindly gave us huge boxes of chocolates for Christmas, and we have been eating these instead of vegetables. I bought vegetables today. It is nice to have reached an age where it is exciting to have a shopping trolley full of carrots and parsnips.

We went back for the car and the fail sheet, and Mark looked down it and thought to his surprise that probably he could fix it without any major expense or effort, because of it being small things like brake pads which come on the Autoparts account anyway. We can pay for them when we have some cash or when they threaten to put a stop on the account, whichever happens first.

Mark took the dogs and buzzed off to the farm, and I stayed at home and spent a happy half an hour arranging the shopping tastefully on the shelves. We have got all sorts of nice things and our world is a safe and contented place this evening.

Mark finished the car and this time he got a pass certificate, which means that tomorrow we can drop all of the paperwork off at the council and continue to be the proprietors of a taxi for another four months. This is a good thing given our lack of ability for, or inclination towards, any other kind of occupation.

We are at work now. We are, as you might remember, off to Scotland tomorrow, for the magical holiday booked by Elspeth in a moment of outstanding generosity. We have been told that we are not required to make a contribution to this, but nevertheless feel it is incumbent upon us at least to volunteer to purchase wine with dinner, etc, and so we have decided not to swim in favour of having an extra hour trying to earn some cash. Also we have emptied the emergency two-pound-coin collection, and I am quite sure that if I sit here for long enough, somebody will want a taxi in the end.

We are very excited about going to Scotland.

I can pretend to be a character in my book.

The picture is the axle on the camper van. Mark took it. I thought I would show you, although I acknowledge it is not very interesting.