We have ordered some lino with a beautiful tiled pattern to cover the walls in the camper van bathroom.
Mark was helping me choose which patterns we liked best and at the end of it he said grumpily that we had better order a bit more in case we have to cover an archway as well. He thought we might be able to put one in although only on condition that there turns out to be room for a Moroccan archway as well as a shower, sink and loo and also that it doesn’t interfere with the drains.
We thought about it hard for a while and thought that probably there would be just about enough room if we squashed things up a bit, although it will be a bit challenging to fit it around the new skylight which we have just installed in there. However, we think that none of this is likely to be too much of a problem and we can probably come up with some sort of token gesture towards a Moroccan arch even if it has to be a bit diminished. Mark thinks he might even be able to illuminate it with some special LED spotlights if he plans the wiring carefully. Sometimes it is jolly nice to be married to Mark, when he thinks hard enough about things he can solve anything.
The thing about weekends is that the only thing we can possibly do to get on with the camper van is sit on the taxi rank and spend money online buying things to put in it. We have not got any spare time at all to do interesting things because of having to earn a living.
This is such a tiresome nuisance, we resolved today that when we get old and have got no more children we are going to buy a double decker bus, preferably the sort with the open platform at the back. We can rent our house out to people who would like to come to the Lake District on their holidays and park the bus on Ellerthwaite Square and live there.
This would be good, because if we still had taxis we could just drive them on Saturday nights, and if we were renting our house this would make us lots of money and it would be hardly like working at all. This would make up for not having a pension plan, and also would be a great deal more fun. Mark has got lots of ideas for making a house inside a double decker bus, we could put a little log burner in and store the logs underneath the stairs at the back. We could travel all over the place in it, just like Cliff Richard did in ‘Summer Holiday’.
I am looking forward to being old, it sounds as though it is going to be brilliant. Certainly it will be ace not to have to think about school fees any more. We can’t afford double-decker-bus driving lessons just at the moment because of this, but we think we might have a go at arranging some. Mark considered going to work for a bus company and seeing if they would pay for some but when we thought about it we realised that he is just not very good at having a job and anyway he hasn’t got time.
I was very pleased to discover that my book about David Cameron is the one which has been responsible for the fascinating revelations about unlikely activities with a deceased pig. In fact it doesn’t say at all that he did it, just that he belonged to a club at Oxford where some of the members did such things, and in any case it wasn’t a pig, which might have been difficult to smuggle in past the porters, but a pig’s head.
It is an ace book, rather gloriously malevolent, but disappointingly the author has got no idea whether our about to be ex-prime minister ever did such a rascally thing. I am quite certain that neither of his potential successors have got such interesting skeletons in their closets, we are in for some dull political years.
Not that I am in a position to comment about other people’s dullness. I am working myself up into a state of great excitement about trimming the old cushions down to size for the new locker tomorrow.
Honestly, I can hardly wait.
