I am starting this early, although I do not imagine that it will be finished before I dive off downstairs and become intoxicated.
Elspeth has returned from exotic foreign parts, and they are on their way over to retrieve the dog and eat a Chinese take away.
I had thrown my hat in the ring for going out to the Indian restaurant on account of being fed up of washing pots and tidying up, but you will not be surprised to hear that after three weeks of having their minds thoroughly broadened by exotically foreign dietary fare, neither Elspeth nor her husband wanted to eat anything spicy. They would, I suspect, have been entirely all right with fish and chips, or something else completely British, and devoid of flavour.
In the event we tidied up so that we could eat in the conservatory. This has become rather repellently neglected whilst I have been busy composing crime sagas and applications to become educated, and Mark, who is taller than I am, stood on the flower bed and cleaned the roof windows.
He did not manage all of them and it was dark by then, so we could not see if they had turned out streaky or not, but they must be greatly improved. We know that by the amount of dirt that came off on the cloth.
We can’t even blame the dogs.
LATER NOTE: They have been, eaten and drunk, and departed, taking their dog with them, and although obviously we are sorry to see him go, it is rather nice to have some walking space on the floor. The thing about having a black dog in the house is that you do tend to fall over him in the dark. This would not matter if all of the dogs stayed in one predictable place, but of course they don’t. They like to be where you are. There is a dog on the living room floor, then on the office floor, then on the bedroom floor, and of course you trip over it every time.
We have just reduced our Trip Hazard Capacity by thirty percent, which has got to be good.
It was a splendid evening, because they have had a lovely time visiting elephants and being chased by rhinoceroses and drinking Nepali tea in Himalayan dugouts, or whatever they have been doing. I did not know that there were rhinoceroses in Nepal, you learn something new every day. Also they brought us some presents, in case the dog had turned out to be an idiot and made them feel guilty, which he hadn’t, so they could have saved themselves some cash.
They were nice presents. We have some tea made of spices and some gin made of reinforced gin and some mountain hats and some prayer flags and a very beautiful soft cashmere scarf, in lots of shades of silvery grey. I have laid that carefully away for some time when I am trying to impress people.
We might hang the prayer flags in the conservatory once the windows are clean. I am not exactly what they are for, I will have to look it up, maybe every one is to save you the bother of having to say a prayer for something. This might improve my chances at drying the washing, if they work.
It was nice to see Elspeth and John, although they are both looking somewhat exhausted and battered. Elspeth has done something dreadful to her leg, which has inflated like a Cumberland sausage, and John was so tired that he was practically dozing off during dinner. Adventures have this effect on you, especially when they are scary primitive adventures and not just swanning off to stay in expensive hotels and visit the theatre, and I was filled with admiration. They have returned to Tell The Tale.
The dog was pleased to see them as well, although was a bit exhausted and battered on his own behalf as well, after a long walk this morning which incorporated both a swim and a fight with Roger Poopy, from which they both appeared to emerge the victor. I had been glad to let them entertain themselves because of being fully occupied bellowing at Roger Poopy’s father. He was not at all pleased to be expected to walk another three miles up the fells this morning, and dragged his paws with great reluctance. Indeed I went back to check on him at one point because I thought perhaps he was dead, but he wasn’t, just elderly and recalcitrant.
He joined in the fight anyway, you wouldn’t want to miss anything exciting.
I have just looked up prayer flags. It appears that they do not carry prayers to the Gods at all, but rather are for dissipating peace and goodwill on the wind to the rest of the world, which I must say is not something I have ever imagined that I might wish to do.
That might be quite nice alongside Mark’s windmill.
We will wait and see if the neighbours suddenly become improved. Somebody in the holiday house next door threw a used nappy onto the shed roof last week. They could jolly well get lost for peace and goodwill, so it is a good job that they have gone.
I am not sure that I want to waste foreign peace and goodwill on just any old idiot.
