Spent

I am very pleased to announce that the advertisements are working splendidly.

Today I have made some money.

Regrettably it is not nearly as much as I have spent, but this will come as no surprise to anybody who knows me.

I have been spending money as if it were as of little account as rain in the Lake District, of which, incidentally, we have got a lot today. I hope it clears up before the bank holiday.

Obviously there were still things that need to be purchased for Oliver’s fast-approaching adventure. He has lost his nail clippers, and it turned out that all of our face flannels had worn so thin that they had all got holes in.

Clearly they have had some considerable use, and almost every one, when I hoiked them down from the linen shelves, had got IBBETSON written on it in indelible marker. This is not sophisticated.

I bought some more. We will have twelve, beautiful soft white face flannels. Only two of them will say IBBETSON on them. Some can go with Lucy to furnish her rabbit hutch, they can double up as curtains. The rest can stay here and make my own ablutions sophisticated and upmarket.

Also I went to get my hair cut.

This illustrated to me that in fact I have become really quite stressed by the whole emergency deadline if-you-love-your-child-you-won’t mess-this-one-up packing activity.

Usually I like going to the hairdresser’s very much.

Today I sat in the hair washing chair and wished that the girl would just get on with it. She soaped my hair gently and I had to bite back the impulse to tell her just to give it a jolly good rub and rinse it quickly, didn’t she know I was paying for a car parking space?

She asked if I had been having a busy day. Hairdressers ask leading questions like this so that you can unburden your soul in an impersonal unthreatening environment if you like. Taxi drivers are supposed to do this as well but I don’t.

I said: “Yes, thanks,” and then couldn’t think of anything else to say at all. I sat there wrestling with my thought processes and wishing that she would be brisk and efficient instead of warm and mellow, and then realised that perhaps I have got myself wound up with life.

I gritted my teeth and tried to relax into the head massage and feel a Zen calm but it didn’t work. Instead I was just relieved when she wrapped the towel round my hair and chirped at me to follow her.

The hairdresser gave me the same lovely haircut as usual, and I thanked him and paid up and left.

Ten minutes later I was back.

There were some fluffy bits of hair in front of my ears which were tickling them unbearably.

The hairdresser kindly cut them off.

I went to take some wrong-shade-of-grey trousers back to Marks and Spencer, and realised that the label in the back of my jacket was rubbing against my neck.

It itched unbearably.

I tore it off and hurled it into my bag and tried my very best to be patient at the Returns desk. It is peculiar that the very times when you are trying your hardest to be patient are also the times when people are most likely to think that you are being sharp and grumpy. Just saying.

I think I have become stressed.

I came home and put labels on things.

I made a bag for shoe cleaning kit, and another one for coloured pencils. I sewed loops in towels and read for the first time the bit on the list which says that the underwear he has got for adventuring will not also be acceptable wear for Games.

I ordered some more underwear.

I discovered that his cycling helmet has become unspeakably bashed. Actually it looks as though something has eaten part of it. I do not know what this might be, even the camper van moths are not that enthusiastic.

I ordered another cycling helmet.

I read down the list and realised that he does not own a pair of sunglasses, at least not since he outgrew the pair with Goofy on the side which said Age 3 on them.

I ordered some sunglasses.

I looked down the list again and wondered what sailing boots were and whether we had anything which might do the job instead. I looked on Amazon for pictures of sailing boots and realised that we didn’t.

I ordered some sailing boots.

I packed his pencil case and realised that there were no scissors. I went to get a pair of mine and then remembered that he is left handed.

I ordered some left-handed scissors.

After that I looked at Mark’s credit card bill.

I am still stressed tonight.

I am going to go away and drink wine.