Tour

I have had a very good start to my evening.

That turned out to be a jolly good thing, because after the Good Start I sat here for absolutely ages and did nothing.

I did not mind this at all because I had already earned some money. The evening started with a family who got in my taxi and wanted to go out to a service station, miles and miles away on the motorway, which turned out to be a splendidly lucrative fare of forty quid, despite their futile attempts to negotiate a lower price. 

They were Indians. They had come from Delhi and had clearly skimped on their research. Had they investigated a little more, they would probably have discovered that the Little Chef on the M6 was not a normal choice of destination for a family coming to the UK to spend their entire fortnight’s summer holiday.

This was most especially the case since they were not accompanied by a car.

Indeed, insufficient research seemed to have been a fairly major feature of their holiday. I discovered during the journey that they believed that taxis could be recognised by being in possession of a yellow number plate on the back of their car. Apparently this is the case in Delhi. Don’t forget this if you go there for your holidays.

Obviously it is not at all the case here, but they had spent a fruitless half an hour trying to flag down passing tourists before they finally chanced on me.

They wanted me to take them on a day’s tour tomorrow, but I declined politely. I hate doing tours at the best of times, but I certainly did not want to be responsible for this one.

They had decided that on the whole they did not much like the Cumbrian countryside, being boringly green and dotted about with trees and sheep. Also they were astonished and unimpressed to discover that we had no decent wild animals, not a tiger or a monkey in sight. I explained about the deer and the badgers and the foxes, but we did not see any, and I think that secretly they did not believe in them.

I should have told them we had unicorns and griffins.

They had decided that they wanted a Lake District tour around historic buildings and sites of architectural interest.

I thought for a bit but could not think of a single one. I am never quite sure what to do with Indians on tour days, they like to see the oddest things. I had one group years ago who wanted to do a trip around all of the council estates. They nodded and smiled admiringly all the way round, once I had worked out that they actually really meant that they wanted to do it.

I have no idea what it was about the council estates that they liked. The abandoned bicycles, perhaps.

In the end I gave my group the telephone number of one of the other drivers, who is going deaf, actually deaf, not just pretending in order to have a quiet life, and who will be oblivious to complaints. He can take them on the usual Ten Lakes Tour that everybody gets, and they will just have to nod and smile.

I expect there are some historic barns or something.

Our new living room is coming along very promisingly indeed, talking of sites of architectural interest. That is to say, it is coming along, albeit very, very slowly.

Today Mark dragged the old water pipes out of the wall. I am glad to see them go, because the wall used to grow black mould along the plaster directly above them. Mark explained that this was because the wall there was colder than everywhere else, because of the cold water behind it. This made the water in the air turn to condensation there, and it became a horrible nursery for greasy black fungus. 

The pipes are gone now, along with all the mouldy plaster. Mark put an electric cable in the hole instead, so that we can have a plug socket next to the stairs, and I can plug in a standard lamp. At least I can when I have bought one, which I haven’t.

He filled the hole in with new plaster, and glued the new plasterboard to the other wall, and everywhere looked surprisingly hopeful.  Suddenly it seems possible that there might be an end in sight, and the days of appalling mess might be numbered.

I have attached a picture of the appalling mess. It has been like that for weeks.

Not for much longer now, I hope.