It was a wet Saturday in the Lake District.
That sounds just like the beginning of a real story, the sort that might go on: …when suddenly the the most astonishingly exciting thing happened.
Disappointingly this is not a real story but a chronicle of non-momentous life events and actually the most exciting thing that happened today was a visit to the library.
This was not totally without excitement, because they had got some new books and I am pleased to tell you that I have the good fortune to be the very first reader in Windermere of David Cameron’s unauthorised biography. This has been written, by the look of it, by somebody to whom he refused employment, so I am expecting to discover in its pages every scurrilous story that the writer can possibly dredge up without actually being sued. It promises to be a jolly good read and I am looking forward to it no end.
Having said that I went to the library I have given you the most thrilling part of the story first, actually it is all downhill from there because after that mostly what we did was catch up on sleep, catch up on housework, feed children and drink coffee.
Lucy is making exciting plans for camper van exterior design which sound brilliant, she is very clever. Mark has got a bee in his bonnet about the electricity and if I am not talking about wires I know perfectly well that he is not listening at all. Oliver has had Harry round all day and so has not been interested in things to do with anything other than zombies and explosives.
I have been making plans for the as yet not-commenced camper van bathroom and keep interrupting Mark’s ruminations about cable and transformers and split chargers to make creative suggestions.
I have suggested all sorts of things for making it beautiful, it would be lovely to have an archway in the middle of it. Mark was less enthusiastic, and complained that since the whole bathroom is only two feet and three inches wide it might be difficult to squeeze a full-sized archway in without losing either the loo or the shower, neither of which I am prepared to do without.
I think he is being unnecessarily negative, although this might be related to my having accidentally washed his wallet again this morning. Anyway, I am quite sure that if he puts his mind to it he will be able to sort it out. What I need to do is make interested noises on the subject of fuses and plug sockets for a day or two and then he will feel so happy and expansive that he will think it is perfectly possible to include a Moroccan archway even in the tiniest of bathrooms. He doesn’t read this. Watch this space.
Once we had talked and slept and tidied up and emptied the dogs and made picnics we came to work. This must make very dull reading sometimes.
It is very wet, which actually means that nobody is going anywhere at all much. This is a complete nuisance because we have overspent dreadfully on the camper van this week and have an urgent need to make some more money, however it is nice because it means that I have got plenty of time for looking at pictures on the Internet and getting in Mark’s car to show him.
I have found a website called Beautiful Motorhomes which is full of lovely ideas, did you know you can even get a bath in a camper van if you want one? I like the idea but even I can see that we probably don’t have room. I have seen lots of very splendid ideas, like bathrooms on split levels and gorgeous copper-coloured wall mounted taps, and one surprising one that was made entirely of silver.
The first step on the road to a divinely handsome bathroom in our camper van is to earn some cash, and I am pleased to tell you that this is our current project for the night.
If we make enough to pay the school fees and the mortgage we might well have enough left over to make a start on a Moroccan arch.
I have got my fingers crossed.
The photograph is the uninspiring view from my taxi. It is called Wet Saturday In The Lake District.
